Hello Africa,
I have been getting a lot of positive response on the Leke Alder’s “Letter to Jack” and “Letter to Jil” series. I am glad people find his wisdom he shares useful.
Today, I bring you another letter from the Mentor and Teacher. This one is for all the Jacks (Guys) out there. He titled it – Becoming The Man. Well, I choose to call it – So You Are Beginning To Think About Marriage?
1. Dear Jack, so you're beginning to think about marriage. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
2. It's nice to prepare mentally though I must warn you that no matter the preparation it still has its own surprises. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
3. But you'll at least be better off than the man who finds himself married. And those surprises are not necessarily negative. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
4. Marriage comes preloaded with responsibility for a man. You're going to be responsible for a full grown adult. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
5. A man must not only be able to meet his own needs, he must be able to meet the needs of his marriage. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
6. And you want your wife to respect you, not just love you. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
7. Respectability has dimensions. You want your wife to respect your sense of responsibility, your wisdom, your maturity… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
8. You want her to admire your approach to issues, your strivings and aspiration, your worthiness in the society of men. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
9. Marriage is not for boys. It is for men. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
10. A man auto-assumes certain responsibilities in marriage, like rent and feeding. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
11. If you don't pay the rent or put down "house keeping" money how are you going to gain respect? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
12. And when the kids come I expect you'll pick up the tab for school fees and children's upkeep too! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
13. When you don't take up these basic responsibilities the woman is forced to step up to the plate and she becomes boss lady. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
14. Am I saying a woman shouldn't contribute in a marriage, shouldn't chip in? Of course not! A wise woman would! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
15. But we must not confuse contribution with responsibility. You have fundamental responsibility for certain headers. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
16. When you work hard to meet those obligations your woman will respect you and your sense of responsibility. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
17. Responsibility defineth the man. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
18. It may not be easy at first. It isn't always easy. It's why you need to work hard. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
19. You start somewhere and demonstrate where you're going. Be focused, you have someone to impress. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
20. Forget all that "We'll sleep on the floor together" stuff. The average woman wants her comfort! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
21. When she says she'll sleep on the mat with you she means in the interim. She isn't talking permanent fixture. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
22. You'll need to work hard. A young man must be hardworking. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
23. A lazy young man rolls on his bed like a door hinge. He sleeps while his mates are on their way to work. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
24. Yet he thinks he's the smart one! His famous quote is a cliché: "Work smart, not hard!" Really?! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
25. Then God doesn't know what he's talking about! He says "Hardwork brings success. Be lazy and never succeed." #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
26. Then he says if the blade is blunt, sharpen it. It means sharpen your intellect. In other words, work hard AND work smart! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
27. Note however that after some time you're not going to get an award because you paid rent (or put down "chop money"). #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
28. You'll need to layer something on top if you want extra love. Being real! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
29. An old man once told me something intriguing. He said he always gave his wife pocket money! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
30. Not just housekeeping allowance, pocket money. This despite the fact that she earned her own salary. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
31. I guess such a gesture is a way of celebrating your spouse. It's the equivalence of buying her a gift every month. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
32. I think it's a good practice, worthy of emulation. In the corporate world we call such "best practice". #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
33. That means borrow all the good practices from others. You should aspire to what the old man said. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
34. With this extra your wife can indulge in buying those things that aestheticize her and make her a visual delight… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
35. Bags, shoes, make-up…whatever she likes! Adopt this practice and you'll become an exceptional man. Start small and grow it. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
36. And I pray you marry a woman who appreciates such gestures. It's not easy being a man you know! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
37. When times are tough (and tough times will come) your wife will remember that you are a generous man. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
38. That if you don't give it's because you CAN'T! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
39. And then she prays for you that things will become better and normalise. 'Cos you're a generous man! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
40. But you'll discover as time goes by that being a man is not enough. You want to be THE man! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
41. You want your wife to confidently say in the company of women, "Don't worry, my husband will take care of it!" #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
42. You want her to have the assurance that no matter what she faces out there, when she gets home she can pour it out to you. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
43. Your wife must be able to look up to you emotionally. That is important. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
44. And now to an elusive feature on the wife choosing list. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
45. If I take a poll of young men, say in a university, and I ask about what they consider important in marriage… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
46. I doubt if many will mention peace! Young men don't think in such terms. It's a very rare young man who'll mention it. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
47. Yet you NEED peace in marriage. It's not that apparent when you're young. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
48. You CAN'T have a HOME without peace. You can have an apartment, or a house but not a home! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
49. As you strive to become a respected man you'll understand the value of peace. Add peace to your list. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
50. Many a man working undue and unpaid overtime at work are just avoiding going home! There's no peace at home! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
51. She may be beautiful, sassy and look like Softsheen advert but if she won't give you peace you'll pay a dear price. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
52. What's the use of all your strivings and achievements if you don't have peace at home? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
53. I'll be doing you a disservice if I tell you to strive to become the man and I don't tell you about the need for peace. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
54. A lack of peace will affect your health and bend your life into unrecognisable shapes of needfulness. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
55. It's cheaper to marry peace than to loan peace through constant travels away from home. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
56. You ought to want to go home at the end of each blessed day to see your wife! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
57. In essence, be responsible, and strive for a wholesome and loving relationship. It's worth striving for. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
58. I wish you the best in your search for matrimonial wisdom. Your mentor, LA. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 10, 2013
What do you think?
Don’t hesitate to share this with all your friends and family who need to read this. It doesn’t matter whether they are single or married.
Cheers.
N.B.
You can find below links to past letters from Leke Alder. Do read them. They are loaded with wisdom.
Leke Alder – Letter to Jack : You cheated on Her
Leke Alder: Letter to Jack – What Every Man Should Know Before Choosing A Wife
Leke Alder: Letter to Jil – Game-Changing Truths Every Woman Should Know
Leke Alder – Letter to Jil : You Cheated on Him
