Hello Africa,
Things happen! Relationships can be beautiful. For some people, it’s heaven on earth. For others, breakup happens. With breakup comes hurt, pain, regret etc
Today, I consider it a privilege to share Lake Alder’s tweets/thoughts on this subject – amazing depths of wisdom and knowledge from the Nigerian.
Are you hurting from a breakup? Then, you are on the right blog right now. Read and find healing.
1. Dear Jil, let me pretend this morning to understand where you're at…that I know your pain. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
2. I pretend because no one can ever feel what you feel. No one can know the hurt. Such pain is individualised. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
3. Too many people theorise prescriptions about getting over hurt and pain. They've never been hurt in a relationship. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
4. I do understand how holding on to the pain can seem so natural. The pain actually keeps coming back at you, on its own. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
5. Meeting someone who asks about your ex can trigger memories. And some mean people will deliberately ask. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
6. They just want the delight of having you confirm what they already know. It's their one-upmanship. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
7. Ever heard of schandenfreude? It's a German word for delight in the misfortune of others. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
8. Some people will deliberately ask you about your ex years after you've moved on, and they know you've moved on. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
9. These are biographical competitors. They're in competition with you, though you don't even know! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
10. You realise it on reflection. They're happy that at least one "something bad" happened to you! (Forgive my English). #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
11. Part of your pain is being the subject of gossip among such people. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
12. The truth is, some people will blame you for the breakup even though they don't know the facts. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
13. Don't even bother to defend yourself to them. If they blamed you before knowing the facts what's the point? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
14. They are not interested in truth. You CAN'T convince them. Stop argy-bargying your soul. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
15. If a man makes up his mind against you outside of knowledge of facts you're dealing with prejudicial bias. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
16. Jil, you're dealing with too many pains. There's the pain of the breakup itself. Then the pain of the way you were treated. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
17. There's the pain of emotional investment in an unfruitful life venture. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
18. Then the pain of what people are saying – hurtful things. Even your so-called "friends" joined the fray! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
19. Then you have the pain of the untruths your ex is encouraging, and his deviant constructive omission of facts. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
20. He wants you to come out looking bad even though he instigated the breakup. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
21. Then there's the pain of the ignorant presuming to lecture you and your smiling forbearance of such didactic presumptuousness. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
22. That's a lot of pain and hurt to deal with Jil! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
23. Even though you now have a fantastic, kind and loving man in your life you have fears. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
24. This despite the fact there's almost zero probability he'll ever hurt you. He loves you so! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
25. I know it's not him you're afraid of. It's the "zone" – that place where you're unprotected, where you were hurt. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
26. It's the place you gave your innocent self – the place of pain, painful pain. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
27. You went into the relationship not even aware of the possibility of hurt. You never knew hurt exists – that place. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
28. Those who've never been there don't know why the heart winces at the thought of stepping foot there again. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
29. The heart winces because the hurt is deep, and the exposure long. The pain is residuum. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
30. So I understand if you're afraid of wholly committing yourself to a new relationship. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
31. It's not that you don't want to, fear just holds you back, inside. You don't want to go to that place of vulnerability again. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
32. You must however find a way to let go: to love without reservation again. You NEED the fullness of love. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
33. You won't get there unless you forgive. You must stop plotting emotional vengeance. You need to leave the past behind. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
34. When we start creating scenarios in our head about having an opportunity to repay those who hurt us… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
35. When we strategise on how to repay those who hurt us in higher denomination and stronger currency… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
36. When we visualise a place of power – to be in a superior position to do hurt to the hurtful… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
37. When we mentally plan that moment where we can look at those who hurt us with a knowing and a glee… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
38. When we imagine our "It's my turn now!" moment…we are in the realm of emotional vengeance. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
39. "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord." It's not yours Jil! It's God's! You can't be vengeful. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
40. Vengeance is one of those things God reserved for Himself. It's on God's exclusive judicial function list. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
41. You need to let go. Remove your clutching fingers from the fabric of the past. It's passed! You HAVE to move on! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
42. See, more people are still going to hurt you in life. It's the nature of this zoological community we call life. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
43. People are going to say nasty things about you – people you know and people you don't know. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
44. If you're going to succeed in life you better get ready for the slander of total strangers! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
45. If you don't let go of this you'll become vindictive and unforgiving. You'll become ultra-sensitive and touchy. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
46. Then you do real damage to yourself. It's difficult to have a relationship with a touchy person. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
47. A touchy person puts up defences where there's no attack. Corrections are read as "attack". #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
48. If you don't let go you can't develop healthy trust in people. You'll be distrustful, yet expect trust from others. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
49. Without trust you'll become controlling and that will strangulate your relationship. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
50. Your tone with your boyfriend will become instructive, commanding and rude. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
51. You'll become dissociative and start projecting yourself. No one can reach "you". #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
52. In order to protect yourself you'll block people out, setting up invisible psychological barriers thick as a wall. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
53. Then self-righteousness sets in, afterall you're just protecting yourself from potential hurt. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
54. Pride instinctively follows because you're not allowing anyone near you. Who can question the wisdom of your course? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
55. In this condition you will become emotionally unattractive and you will discount your great qualities. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
56. Let love heal you. Love heals. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
57. When pain processes us and drops us on the dunghill of life, love picks us up and we emerge in another dimension. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
58. Life is not a straight line – a continuum from pain to happiness. Experiences exist in different spheres. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
59. You have a new opportunity to know happiness. If you don't let go of the past the future will not come. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
60. In closing, I'll like to ask you a question, just one question: #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
61. Is your ex really worth your future? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
62. Your mentor, LA. ©Leke Alder #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 17, 2013
Some food for thought.
It is well.
P.S. do you know someone who is hurting from a breakup? Be a channel of healing today. Do well to share with them. Thank you
