Hello,
Hope you are enjoying your weekend.
It’s Leke Alder again and today, Jil is in a dilemma. She is about to get married to a much older man, who she is not attracted to. She just feels she is rushed into matrimony with someone she doesn’t particularly love.
Read this Letter to Jil as Leke Alder steps in to provide his usual profound insights on this issue and lead Jil on her way to making the right decision. Read on….
1. Dear Jil, let me restate the facts just to be sure I got things right. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
2. You met an older gentleman just a few months back- 5 months ago to be precise. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
3. Within that period he asked to meet your parents. Turns out your mum in particular likes him. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
4. And somehow a wedding date has been set 5 months hence even though in fact you have your misgivings. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
5. For one you're only 24. (He's almost 40). You've not completed your studies in university. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
6. And you're not physically attracted to him. I assume you're also not sexually attracted to him. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
7. You seem ashamed of certain anatomical features situate in the region of his head. I won't specify. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
8. The whole scenario is a bit hard for me to understand though. I'm a bit confused. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
9. You really don't want this man obviously. Why then do you keep progressing the relationship towards marriage? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
10. He doesn't know you don't have same feelings for him. He assumes he's found a "good girl!" #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
11. And now you're contending with the pressure of a marriage chiefly orchestrated by your mum. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
12. Like any mum her joy is to see you married. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
13. When you introduced this gentleman to your parents they of course assumed you were serious. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
14. They assumed you knew what you were doing. Who introduces an older gentleman she's not sure about to her parents! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
15. Surely the purpose of such an introduction was not to facilitate discussion of local government elections among adults. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
16. So your parents are gleefully preparing for marriage, and the gentleman is looking forward to marrying you. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
17. You're being herded into matrimony and now you're panicky. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
18. You don't know how to tell the gentleman about your true and contrary feelings. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
19. You don't want to break his heart; not all over again. It's been broken once, by someone else. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
20. Your conscience is troubling you. You'll disgrace your family and disappoint your "fiancé" if you back out. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
21. Now I do recognise that people somehow find themselves in this bind, or shall I say put themselves in this bind. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
22. If you go ahead with the marriage plan there's a sincere possibility you'll grow to love him. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
23. But there's also a corollary possibility. You may not grow to love him! And that's the scenario I fear the most. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
24. Marriage is not a vacation job. It's a lifetime commitment ab initio. It's not an internship. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
25. In other words you're going to be stuck with those same physical attributes you dislike but can't share with your man. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
26. And it will spill over into other things including sex. Sex is physical intimacy afterall. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
27. You are working to marry a man you can barely tolerate physically. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
28. Let's just say you're potentially joking with depression. Not just for him but for you as well. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
29. You will be unhappy and you won't be able to explain your unhappiness. Repulsion is an amazing thing. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
30. You may end up hating an innocent, albeit undiscerning man. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
31. And that feeling of being rushed into marriage at a young age can metamorphose into feeling cheated later in life. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
32. You're going to feel that may be you could have done better with your choice, if you had been patient. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
33. As your classmates start getting married and you start meeting their husbands jealousy may set in. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
34. You've been lacking in moral courage so far. Isn't it high time you redeem yourself? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
35. Shouldn't you fess up about your true feelings on the prospect of this impending matrimony? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
36. Shouldn't you sit your mother down and talk? I mean, TALK! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
37. The only reason you're going into this marriage is to please others – your mother and your fiancé. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
38. You don't go into a marriage to please people, or not to disappoint someone. That's dangerous! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
39. Someone's going to wind up in a psychiatrist's chair down the line. Or become vicious, or bitter. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
40. You may end up very unhappy and end up cheating on your spouse. Being real! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
41. Jil, marriage is a potent experience. It always processes people. The man who goes in is never the man who comes out. Think. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
42. As to feeling being shepherded into matrimony at the urging of others, let me share a story with you. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
43. At a T-junction in Las Gidi- the endearing baptisimal name your generation gave the city of Lagos- I witnessed something. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
44. In the traffic was a gentleman in a new Toyota Camry car. The traffic was manic as usual. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
45. Private mini bus (Danfo) drivers were particularly aggravated. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
46. They're always aggravated. I suspect many are on a loooong tin! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
47. Behind the gentleman in the new Toyota Camry sedan was a Danfo driver. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
48. He kept bullying the man to jut his nose into the vicious space where two roads and 8 lanes butted. Horns and verbal abuses. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
49. He used some Fela Anikulapo epithets: Zombie, Suëgbë (mentally slow individual)…and a few others Fela didn't use. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
50. The sun was particularly hot. The heat boiled bloods. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
51. The neck muscles of our Danfo driver was bulging, his veins throbbing with hot blood. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
52. He was sweaty in his singlet, his eyes blood shot with anger. He kept yelling at the Camry man, so much harassment. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
53. Were he in front he would have manoeuvred his way through the logjam using the threat of damaging someone's car. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
54. Such threats are very credible. Ask any Lagosian! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
55. Under so much pressure the Camry man lunged forward. And a car rammed into him, tearing his fender. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
56. Did our Danfo driver sympathise with him? No! He abused him further, using the Fela epithets in a new context: #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
57. "Oodë! (Dim witted fool), Suëgbë (Of slow intellect)…So you don't even know how to drive!… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
58. …Shio!" (Shame on you and your pedigree. And you're a disgrace!). #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
59. As you can see, English is no match for the depth and profundity of African dialect. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
60. All sweaty faced, our Danfo driver maneuvered his way through the knot, threatened cars and sped off. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
61. And that which was spoken by the Danfo driver came to pass: our Camry man was now indeed "Odë" (fool). #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
62. And the urging and pressure became prophecy. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
63. He was left to his fate, and his troubles, alone. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
64. And that is the end of my story. Make what you can of it. I'm just a story teller! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
65. May God grant you courage and wisdom. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
66. I remain your loving mentor, LA. #Letr2Jil ©Leke Alder
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
What did you learn from this Letter? For me, I learnt my life is mine to live and I live with the consequences of the decisions I make. Me! Not another. So, what did you learn?
Cheers
