Hello,
It’s another Leke Alder time on konnectafrica.net.
Today, Jack is currently in a satellite relationship. He is dating someone abroad. He is carrying on a relationship by correspondence, social media and Skype.
He has a crucial question for Mr Leke Alder today. Does Love across the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans ever work? can it work? Find out here as His Mentor provides him with insight into this issue.
1. My dear Jack, I think the fundamental problem is love across the Atlantic not all those issues you raised. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
2. Long distance relationships have their challenges, significant challenges. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
3. Some successfully work round those challenges. Some can't. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
4. Email and phone calls have limitations. Even Skype. And you can't truly know someone through Twitter or Facebook. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
5. I know we call them social media but the truth is, conceptually they are de-socialising media. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
6. We live through avatars and alter egos on social media. Essentially we're in a James Cameron movie, not reality. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
7. And people hide behind tactile anonymity on social media. Social media makes pretext and alternative realities feasible. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
8. In other words people can live a lie on social media. You can't even be sure of the profile picture! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
9. Some pictures are so retouched reality will send you into gratifying coma. And some are not true pictures! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
10. I will advice you at least meet your betrothed in person and spend time together before proceeding with the wedding. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
11. As it is you don't know who you are dating. Neither does she truly know you. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
12. Both of you are relying on self-edited testimonials of each other in the court of alternative realism. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
13. You ought to realise that in our speeches and letters we all unconsciously sell the good side of ourselves to others. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
14. (Some consciously sell a manufactured image). #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
15. And many are genuinely deluded believing what they want others to think of them. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
16. Marriage is a huge life commitment. You can't proceed on self-edited and very limited and narrow spectrum data. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
17. Neither should you proceed to marriage based on just the testimonial of others concerning your future wife. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
18. Find out for yourself. You're the one who's going to live with the bride, not the people feeding you references. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
19. That she's wife material in THEIR estimation doesn't mean she qualifies as wife material for YOU! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
20. They're speaking from THEIR understanding and taste; and from a perspective of what they THINK is best for you! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
21. What they say must ONLY supplement what YOU know, not the other way round. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
22. You know we tend to glamorise the 60's era when people married on the basis of posted pictures and testimonials. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
23. Those were the days when young men living abroad asked their parents to source wives for them. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
24. Well, it worked for some and it still works for some cultures, though the young are beginning to revolt in such cultures. Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
25. Clearly it didn't work for all or there would have been no marital discord in our parents' generation. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
26. Will be interesting to study the statistics of that era- how many successes, how many failures. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
27. A technical marriage doesn't qualify as success. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
28. A technical marriage is one in which to all intents and purposes the marriage is over; but the partners stay put. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
29. The truth is some of the marriages in our parents' generation only held because of the painful forbearance of the women. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
30. How many mothers have said the only reason they remained in a marriage is because of their children! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
31. The man actually goes out and starts another family! He's left the marriage. He's only technically married. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
32. Some of the bitterness in this generation came from the consequences of the sociology of that era. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
33. But of course many succeeded and went on to have wonderful marriages. No one must dispute that. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
34. But the risk factors of marriage by post (or email, or social media) is apparent. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
35. And anyway the values of that generation are completely different from the values of this generation. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
36. That generation operated on what I term the Rebekah matrimonial agency principle (R-MAP). #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
37. Remember how Abraham sent his trusted servant to go and get a wife for his son, Isaac? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
38. That's how Rebekah became the wife of Isaac. It's marriage by procurement – a vintage marriage by post. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
39. Interesting that the name of the servant was not mentioned in that narrative. His anonymity holds a lesson: #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
40. At the end of the day Rebekah is Isaac's headache, or blessing, not the servant's! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
41. Marriage by Twitter/Facebook has grave limitations. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
42. You can't have experiential insight into someone's hygiene standards on Twitter. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
43. Neither do Facebook and Twitter qualify as good thermometers of temperament. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
44. They're poor barometers of godliness too. No algorithm can crunch that. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
45. I do agree it seems kinda funny she doesn't want to post your picture on Facebook or Twitter. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
46. Maybe she's just a private person. Or she doesn't want the exposure… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
47. Or she's superstitious such exposure may derail the marriage. Some people think that way. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
48. But it's also possible she's embarrassed by you, or hiding something from someone. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
49. It's possible she's being careful to make sure all the marriage i's are dotted before extra ordinary public commitment. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
50. She may be coming from the perspective of premature exposure of a past relationship that didn't work out… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
51. Or she may be negotiating her emotions and commitment, holding back… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
52. The variables are so many. You can't be sure unless she tells you; or you discern from corroborating facts. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
53. It's possible her friend's relationship didn't work out and she doesn't want such exposure or embarassment. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
54. At the end of the day it all boils down to trust and commitment, however you look at it. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
55. Understandably you are apprehensive. She's cautious. Apprehension is dating caution. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
56. This is why you should spend time with the person you want to marry. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
57. I will say travel to see your fiancee in person. (Or she comes down). Interact with her and make your judgments. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
58. Even at this you still have significant hurdles to scale. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
59. Essentially you're going to start your proper courtship in marriage. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
60. And you WILL find out things about her you never imagined. She will about you too! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
61. Love across a simple bridge span has its own surprises, not to talk of love across oceans or deserts. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
62. Proximity plays a very crucial role in successful relationships. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
63. The more time you spend together the better you know each other. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
64. You should also talk to those who married under same circumstances. It's wisdom. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
65. They can share practical experiences with you, show you where the trapdoors are. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
66. I'm afraid that's all I can share with you today. I wish you wisdom. Your mentor, LA. #Letr2Jack © Leke Alder
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 5, 2013
For me, Tweet No 62 stood out – “Proximity plays a very crucial role in successful relationships”. This is sooooo true. Which of these tweets resonates with you?
Cheers.
