You Cheated on Him
Hi Jack and Jil,
Last week, I shared with you some amazing Letters from the highly intelligent and very cerebral Leke Alder. He called them Letter to Jack and Letter to Jil.
I actual thought they was one-off, but I was wrong. They are actually a weekly series He has been doing since February this year, and of course, last weekend was not an exception.
He dropped some thoughts for all of us to think about. So today, It’s my singular honour and privilege to bring to you another edition of Leke Alder’s Letter to Jil. This one is titled – You cheated on Him.
1. Dear Jil, you're in a tough situation right now. I know you've begged him and all that, and your family even got involved. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
2. But a man feels deeply hurt and betrayed in such circumstances. Put yourself in his shoes. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
3. It's just a few months to your wedding. You got involved with another man. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
4. I think there are bigger issues at play here, and I surmise this problem or a variant would still have arisen down the line. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
5. My reasoning is simple: you don't reasonably know you, what you want. You haven't resolved you. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
6. Now you're confronted with a strange you, the one you never knew. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
7. I'm sure if anyone had told you a few months ago that this would happen you would have argued. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
8. Perhaps you're rushing into marriage. let me rephrase that: the circumstances of life are shepherding you into early matrimony. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
9. You hardly know yourself or what you want in life. You're young! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
10. Holistically your fiance is the right man for you, so your head tells you. Yet your heart is drawn to this other guy. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
11. And so your head and your heart are duelling it out. That's the source of your confusion. I know you're not a bad person. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
12. You arrived at this shore carried by the waves of life's momentum. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
13. You dated your fiance in school assuming marriage, came out of school, landed in youth service corp and next, marriage! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
14. You're in marriage as the next item progression scenario. The kids will automatically follow. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
15. You're an unresolved fiancee, and soon to be wife and mother – two overwhelming life roles you're internally unprepared for. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
16. Marriage is not child's play. Forget all the romanticised illusions, marriage is where the rubber meets the road. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
17. If you don't know yourself or know what you want, you're going to wreak havoc in many lives, including yours! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
18. It's a matter of years. Your husband's life will be collateral damage. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
19. Marriage is not a hundred meter dash, or competition. There are no prizes for who gets married first! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
20. The school environment is a very, very far cry from reality. A school environment is sheltered. It's made for studies! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
21. In school, you depended on the financial grace of your parents. In the real world you pay your way through. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
22. Managing the transition between campus life and the real world is a challenge for many. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
23. And rushing into a marriage only compounds the challenges. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
24. And this is not saying you can't marry right after school. Many do. Some fail, some succeed. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
25. But I'd advise you to resolve yourself first. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
26. The wedding is not the marriage! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
27. The real world is full of responsibilities and obligations. Succeeding at life requires an awful lot! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
28. Marriage is not for girls, it is for women. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
29. It requires emotional maturity and supportive capability. Let me paint your scenario: #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
30. Young girl, hardly a woman meets young boy, hardly a man in school. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
31. Self-unresolved they make an irrevocable commitment to a marriage timetable, this commitment being made in la la land. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
32. It all sounds romantic – the "I married my college sweetheart right out of college" kind of story. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
33. There's only one problem: they exited campus into another world – a very harsh world without Disneyland features. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
34. Girl meets an interesting alternative and flirts with it. He stirs up parts of her she never knew existed. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
35. But there are irrevocable commitments, those commitments being made stronger because both families are involved. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
36. The father is already acting Father-in-Law. Mum is acting Mother-in-Law. Diplomatic missions are being traded. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
37. Mothers are bonding, fathers are bonding. Meanwhile girl is confused to everyone's ignorance. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
38. She feels guilty about her feelings, becomes tortured, yet she keeps returning to her new source of excitement. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
39. Meanwhile her betrothed is planning interior decoration of their soon to be home. He just part-paid for furniture. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
40. Girl's life is now a Woody Allen movie. It's full of illogicalities & emotional complexities. Feelings become justifications. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
41. She keeps her dalliance hidden from her betrothed and this makes her feel guiltier. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
42. Yet she enjoys the secret attention. Secret amplifies feelings – didn't Solomon speak of the sweetness of stolen melon? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
43. She's under pressure from several fronts: her conscience, the innocence of her fiance, her secret sin… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
44. …her mother's marriage plans, her father's values, the family honour, the niceness of her mother-in-law-to-be… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
45. …the fatherliness of her father-in-law-to-be, the false hopes, the spending of her fiance, the fear of consequences… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
46. (If she's not under terrible pressure everyone should be worried! Everyone should fear!) #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
47. She doesn't know where to turn, how to handle her new feelings; thinks she can wing it until the temptation goes too far. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
48. Then the family spectacle begins – ruptured relationship, incomprehensibility, shattered nice girl image, family disgrace… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
49. And then bitterness sets in for the boy. He forms a philosophy of women…God help the next woman! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
50. And the girl becomes a parable, a tale that is told; and with each retelling a hypocritical aunty adds embellishment. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
51. My take is that your priority is not the saving of face through cobbled resolution. your first priority is resolution of self. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
52. Who are you? What do you really want in life? What do you believe in? What are your dreams? What are your hopes? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
53. What type of life do you want? What values do you subscribe to? What should you be afraid of about yourself? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
54. What tendencies need control? What are you struggling with? What is important to you? What don't you want? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
55. There's nothing like a honest self appraisal. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
56. And you can't do it until you get in touch with your inner being! She's the only one who knows you. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
57. This episode though circumstantial has shown you a bit about yourself. It's also humbling. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
58. We must never think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
59. I do pray that everything works out for good for you. Go on self pilgrimage. Your mentor, LA #Letr2Jil ©Leke Alder
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) August 3, 2013
Did you learn something new? Are the one He was talking to? Share your thoughts and let us discuss.
Cheers.
N.B. In response to various demands, Leke Alder has created a bigger and limitless platform called http://jacknjillive.com/ where the hot conversations on these tweets can continue. While the site is in development, He is inviting you to pre-register. Registered members will get advance postings of Letter to Jack and Letter to Jil before everyone else.
Since the launch of the website is still 51 days away, I will continue to share Leke Alder’s letters with you over the next few weeks and will discontinue them when the website is formally launched. So hurry and register.
