What to consider when choosing an husband from your options.
I bring you warm greetings today,
Hope you are doing great.
Today, Jil is in a fix. She is confused. She doesn’t know which of her two boyfriends she should marry. She has dated one of them for while and he is very interested in marrying her. However, she knows in her hearts of heart that she doesn’t love him. The other Guy is smooth, has sweet words, but no ambition in life, no focus, no drive.
Today, Leke Alder makes a fair attempt at giving Jil some perspectives on the issue and that is what I serving you today. Read on because You will learn, unlearn or relearn. Cheers.
1. My dear Jil, sometimes we think we are dealing with options and choices when in fact we're not. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
2. There are false options in life. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
3. I want you to look at the "options" you presented: #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
4. You're currently dating a guy you said you're not compatible with. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
5. And he wants to marry you ASAP. Why? Because he doesn't want to lose you. Why? "Too many things at stake." #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
6. Yet your differences are so fundamental. You can't stand many things about him. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
7. He's a focused young man alright, but you're nonetheless unhappy with him and it's obvious you don't love him. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
8. The only reason you're struggling with the thought of marrying him is because you want to marry. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
9. This despite the fact that he shushes you up stylishly – essentially puts you down when you talk. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
10. But then there's your ex whom you just "went back to" while retaining this other guy. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
11. (I can't get past the selfishness at play here. And I'm struggling with who's really the "ex"). #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
12. You love this ex. He treats you "like a queen", unlike the other guy – the now Acting Ex. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
13. But this your loving no longer ex boyfriend has no ambition. He has no job, no plans, not even to marry you in five years. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
14. His life philosophy is simple: Let's get it on baby! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
15. As in, "Let's have beautiful sex, babies, live our lives and everything will fall into place!" (What a philosophy!) #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
16. According to you he "just wants to be with you" though curiously if you talk about marriage he gets angry! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
17. And so you have a menage a trois of selfishness, usage & calculatedness, as well as ambitionlessness. It's a threesome! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
18. You want me to help you make a choice between these two gentlemen. You're confused you say. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
19. Well, I can't choose for you. You have to take responsibility for your choices in life, but we can analyse the facts. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
20. You are oscillating between two choices. Either loveless marriage to a man you can't stand and who you don't love… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
21. …or marriage to a man you say loves you but is jobless, ambitionless, with no plans for now or the future. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
22. Why does this remind me of a Jerry Springer show, or his other franchise – what's it called? Baggage! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
23. Let me be honest with you: you're shopping for marriage. If the jobless fellow offers you marriage I'm sure you'll go for it. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
24. But tell me, how's a man who can't take care of himself going to take care of a family? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
25. How's he going to take care of you? And how about those babies you want to make – how are they going to feed? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
26. Children don't understand fasting. They're not that spiritual. They EAT – a lot! It's why they grow! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
27. And the last time I checked supermarkets were still collecting money for baby food! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
28. You want assurances of promise of marriage from a guy without a plan? Isn't that an oxymoron? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
29. He has no plans for his own life! How's he going to have plans for yours?! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
30. You say he treats you like a queen. Because he serenades you with sweet nothings? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
31. Do you know the value of sweet nothings? NOTHING! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
32. Strangely you say he hardly says he loves you…but his actions say so! Which actions?! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
33. He can't buy you presents because he's living off everybody – family, friends, you… #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
34. Ask from those who married such men about their experience. Some are still bitter years after divorce. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
35. And who's going to pay school fees for the kids? I hope you're very hardworking. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
36. Never confuse maleness for manhood. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
37. As a woman you're going to be frustrated marrying a man without drive, desire, ambition or job. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
38. There will be constant fights over money and one of the biggest causes of problems in marriage is finance. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
39. As for the only marriage proposal you have on the table (the last option is a sex proposal) here's my question: #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
40. Why would you want to marry a man you can't stand, and who you don't love or want? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
41. You'll make that young man's life so miserable he'll apply for summer vacation in Hades! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
42. You have NO I-DEA what marriage is all about! Neither do your boyfriends! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
43. I'm sorry for being so blunt but I must tell you the truth in love. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
44. One boyfriend thinks marriage is all about sex; the other thinks it's a multiple choice question. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
45. The problem is not so much them as you. Tell me, what's the desperation? Why the rush? You're only 24! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
46. You don't have the maturity for marriage. And I'm not saying that just because of your age. There are mature 24 year olds. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
47. Marriage will not solve your problem of insecurity. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
48. If there's nothing I know about life it is the fact that marriage can't solve insecurity. It only compounds it. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
49. An insecure man or woman who says "I do!" is still an insecure person. Only married. "I do" is not a transformer. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
50. You're afraid of being lonely and being alone. But throwing yourself at men only exposes you to selfish opportunists. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
51. And the fact that your mother is alone after divorce from your dad is not a matrimonial determinant of your fate. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
52. You can't live your life as antidote to your mom's existence and experience. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
53. Despite the rush-hour view of marriage, it is not something you rush into. Rush in may well be prep for rush out! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
54. Grow. Mature in wisdom. Learn about life. Get your bearing. Resolve your fears. Resolve yourself. Develop character. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
55. Enjoy your singularity. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
56. When the time comes you'll know. When the man comes you'll know. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
57. Your loving and sincere mentor, LA. #Letr2Jil ©Leke Alder
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 21, 2013
Think through the issues raised and make the necessary adjustments. Time is running out.
Arise!
