Hello,
Hope you have been learning a lot from Leke Alder’s letters to his Mentees, Jack and Jil.
In today’s Letter to Jil, He uses the Lagos (Nigeria) mini bus, popularly referred to as DANFO, to shine some light on an issue in Jil’s relationship and show her the way to handle it.
It is time to learn, folks. Read on….
1. Dear Jil, a good relationship begins with a good choice of partner. So does a good marriage. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
2. Partner choice determines outcomes, flavours and progressions. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
3. Just think of the bonding of various chemicals. Some are toxic, some obnoxious, some volatile, some wonderful. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
4. If he's not right for you or you're not right for each other the relationship has taken on issues before commencement. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
5. A bad partnership combination filled with hope is an anger fuelling bitter memory in the making. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
6. And that's how the strange philosophy of "the reality of marriage" comes to being. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
7. That philosophy propounds that the dream of happiness and romantic bliss in marriage is a fantasy of the unrealistic. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
8. That the "reality of marriage" is in actuality full of misery, difficulties, fights and unhappiness. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
9. Those who propound this theory are often those seeking accommodation with the consequences of wrongheaded choices. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
10. The "reality of marriage" philosophy comes from bad experience, frustrated dreams, difficult hope, sadness. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
11. We've come to accept this philosophy by default. It's why some say it doesn't matter who you marry, just marry! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
12. I see that "reality" being incubated on social media through acrimonious mutualisation of hatred by the sexes. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
13. Men hating women, women hating men – through social media. Isn't it ironic we call it social media? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
14. How can we be social when there are shouting matches across digital balconies. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
15. There's going to be a clash of wills when relationships are forged under such acridity. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
16. Marriage is not something to be endured. It was instituted by God. God is not a sadist. He didn't institute misery. We did! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
17. There are many loving, tender, kind and wonderful marriages. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
18. They are filled with romance because the partners dreamt of tenderness and protected their dreams. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
19. The partners vouchsafe – they're gracious, grant each other favours and privileges; giving is default mode. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
20. Romance is virtual isolation of goodwill and loving tenderness. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
21. If your boyfriend is the abusive type there will be no loving tenderness and sex cannot make up for it. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
22. There are things sex can't cure despite the overly misguided belief in the promise of the remedies of physicalities. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
23. You won't remember the sex in a depressive and hurtful relationship. All you'll be concerned about is the exit door! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
24. No matter how wonderful his sexual prowess is, if he's hurtful and abusive you'll rue your misguidedness. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
25. We've been talking about choice and I know the notion of choice has a lot of assumption behind it. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
26. Choice is a picture of at least two options. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
27. For some women it is indeed a picture of men lined up on supermarket shelves. Not all women are that lucky. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
28. When there are hardly any prospects loneliness can drive one into desperation as we latch on to whatever is available. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
29. Loneliness creates desperation. Sometimes we just want to have a man we can call our own. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
30. But a relationship is a potential marriage. And marriage is a bigger deal than many people realise. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
31. Marriage will determine many outcomes in your life, and to such level of minutiae as is unimaginable. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
32. It will determine your friends and social circle. It will determine your economic fortune. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
33. It will determine your emotional health, and will definitely determine whether you end up a bitter woman or a happy woman. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
34. A good marriage is heavenly. A bad marriage gives insight into the horrors of hell. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
35. A potentially bad marriage is sometimes so merciful in identifying itself well in advance. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
36. What I don't get is you trying to force through a relationship you know will not work. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
37. If you can see danger ahead why muscle your way into a matrimonial conclusion? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
38. Why devote such entrepreneurial talent to the making of heartache and the creation of despair? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
39. I liken such mentality to that of mini bus drivers in Lagos. They do available space driving (ASD). #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
40. The legend of Lagos mini bus drivers is only rivaled by that of their professional counterparts in Jo'burg. Such talent! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
41. The locals call these Lagos mini buses "Danfo". The drivers are thus Danfo drivers. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
42. "Danfo" in forward translation is a unique individual who's not bothered by much. He's like a Greek god! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
43. Were Solomon alive today and were he to visit the city of Lagos he would have written, "As a man driveth so is he!" #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
44. Lagos mini bus drivers operate by only one philosophy: As long as there's space! Even if that space is a curb! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
45. I have sometimes suspected that the stunt drivers in action movies are recruited from Lagos. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
46. Jason Statham has nothing on Lagos Danfo drivers! These are the original transporters! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
47. Now the mechanics of available space driving is quite simple: it's "When we get there!" Let me explain. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
48. A Lagos Danfo driver never bothers to look or think ahead. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
49. If traffic is choked he'll drive up to the very limit of the space physically feasible, including wrong lanes. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
50. The point at which he's physically stopped from going further is when he begins to rough his way out of the jam. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
51. It's a crude and strange form of possibility thinking. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
52. He seeks to get out of the jam with the threat of doing damage to other people's cars if they don't create space for him. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
53. And not a few scrapes are recorded daily. (He never panel-beats his vehicle by the way). #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
54. He believes he's smarter than everyone else. He's an opportunist who's driven by muscling mentality – a traffic thug! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
55. I have often wondered why some ladies apply the Danfo driver mentality to relationship. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
56. They see trouble ahead but doggedly pursue the relationship, trying to muscle their way into marriage. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
57. "When we get there we'll solve whatever problems arise!" is a common refrain. Danfo girlfriend? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
58. Why fight to marry a man who is cavalier with your feelings and emotions, and who's disdainful of you? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
59. Why want to marry a man who goes after your closest friends and colleagues? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
60. Why walk into life transforming unhappiness – what will surely hurt you in secret places. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
61. You're complaining he dumped you. Shouldn't you be thanking God?! #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
62. Isn't the reason you're crying more because he started dating your friend right after dumping you? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
63. Should winning him back become an objective? What are you winning? Aren't you just trying to "show" your friend? #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
64. And haven't you entered into a wrong competition? You can only win a fake bronze medal. #Letr2Jil
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
65. Is he really worth it? Your mentor, LA. #Letr2Jil ©Leke Alder
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) September 7, 2013
So let me ask you, are you a Danfo girlfriend?
