Leke Alder – Letter to Jack: My Girlfriend and I Are Always Arguing
Hello,
An Ibo Proverb (From South-Eastern Nigeria) says, “What an Old Man Sees Sitting Down, A Young Man Cannot See Standing Up”.
Today, Jack has a problem that to common to some relationships you & I know. He is always arguing with his girlfriend. Uncle Leke steps in with a letter, explaining the likely implications of the constant acrimony, acridity and mordancy *wink*wink*.
It is not a joking matter though. Read on and gain some old-man understanding.
1. My dear Jack, I'm afraid you're dating your imagination. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
2. You're projecting the physical attributes of your girlfriend and dimensioning them into matrimonial attributes. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
3. In other words you're not dealing with facts, just desires and suppositions. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
4. You must see your girlfriend for who she truly is. Don't explain away the facts. That's always a huge mistake. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
5. Character invariably drowns out physicality in a marriage. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
6. Dreams of stylistic atavistic and modern sexual congress are soon forgotten when there's no peace in a marriage. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
7. Can two people successfully cohabitate and conjugate in matrimonial acrimony, acridity and mordancy? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
8. Or in the wording of the query of the Ancients: Can two walk together, except they be agreed? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
9. Happiness is important in marriage. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
10. The opposite is depression. By that I don't mean a dip in mood that can be pepped up with a cup of coffee. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
11. I mean the clinical variety. Don't joke with depression. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
12. I have a belief- deduced from observations of life- #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
13. I believe God is so kind He highlights incompatibility problems for us before we jump into a matrimonial federative. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
14. Something- a harbinger and portender of future disharmony usually pops up before we tie the knot- to warn us! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
15. Sometimes it's a major fight on something fundamental. It's like God's last minute desperate attempt at warning us. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
16. Some relationship heartaches are God induced to save us from the pit, yet we're inconsolable. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
17. We ignore warnings and push on, relentless in our pursuit of pain, diarising a date with tribulation and distress. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
18. Years after the marriage has collapsed we'll remember that warning incident, or text, or conversation or mail. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
19. Ask any divorcee, he or she will tell you about one particular incident before the wedding, which in retrospect was a warning #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
20. God is the picture of a gentleman. As a general principle He doesn't impose on freewill. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
21. God won't stop you from marrying who you want to marry if you insist. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
22. He can try and dissuade you but it's still your choice. Marriage is of a very personal nature. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
23. There are clear and persistent warnings that this relationship of yours won't work yet you keep plodding forward. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
24. You're toasting pain in sunshades of romantic illusion. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
25. It's why you have sweet and sour sensations of pain and pleasure, love and anger, loathing and longing. Bitter leaf pleasure. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
26. The cocktail of these sensations is so confusing: there's so much bitterness in ice cold vanilla mint of wanting. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
27. A marriage without peace is enormously costly. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
28. Disharmony is a fundamental negation of the principle of matrimony. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
29. If you and your fiancée are CONSTANTLY fighting and bickering, isn't that indicative of matrimonial incompatibility? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
30. The very notion of an unnecessarily argumentative partner is too painful to contemplate. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
31. It is reminiscent of a sharp dental probe on a broken molar tooth without anaesthesia. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
32. She's stubborn and wilful you say. Every decision takes enormous argument, even innocuous decisions. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
33. Do you know how many decisions you're going to make in your marriage? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
34. That should give you an idea of how many arguments you're going to have. Can you handle the grind? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
35. You say your mum likes her; but your mum is not going to marry her, is she? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
36. Perhaps mum is titillated with the idea of a prospective daughter-in-law. Mums usually are. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
37. And how does it work: she pleases your mum but displeases you? Respects your mum but not you? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
38. Your opinion doesn't count, just your mum's. Isn't this high regard for your mum a deliberate message of disregard for you? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
39. Couples in a dysfunctional marriage host and pursue different and sometimes contradictory agenda. You started early. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
40. If you want to understand the extraordinary trigonometry of 2 parallel lines, have a chat with cohabiting estranged couples. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
41. They go through the chores of marriage. Behind those mechanical chores are bitterness, longings and frustration. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
42. It's a pretentious marriage. They are technically married but factually divorced. Each partner lives in a sphere. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
43. As a man you'll be lonely in such a marriage. Your emotional needs will go unfulfilled. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
44. You'll crave for love but you'll get a depersonalised dutiful response that is just enough. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
45. Matrimonial PR- doing just enough to deflect public scrutiny and condemnation- comes into play. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
46. There'll be the occasional sex, the unavoidable social functions, even regimented co-driving to church. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
47. She'll resent your work with exemplary disinterest, resent your achievements. You may find yourself in a competition. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
48. You'll have no one to share your highs, lows and plans with, and that's how affairs start. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
49. The caring secretary…the sympathetic colleague…the fellow sufferer…the girl with an agendum…that's how it starts! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
50. And then come all the consequences and problems- the unpredictable predictables. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
51. Why don't you just save yourself from the snare of the fowler? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
52. It's not how long you've dated that matters it's whether it will work! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
53. If it won't work it's emotionally cheaper to get out before marriage. After marriage it becomes really expensive. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
54. And you don't marry to please others. You can't marry someone just to please your mum. Ask Prince Charles. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
55. Everyone paid for it, including mom. *Deep sigh* That's all I'm prepared to say. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
56. The half written paragraph transubstantiates into full textbook in the heart of a wise child. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
57. Your mentor, LA. #Letr2Jack talk2me@lekealder.com
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) October 26, 2013
Have you been in this position before? If yes, What did you do about the situation?
I would love to read about your experience in the comments section below.
Do have a great week ahead.
I have had almost all that is written here.The relationship was obviously not working and i knew it.We were close but distant.Mant things about us differed and i would usually ask myself if i would be able to handle this lady as my wife.
However,i continued to give excuses until we finally seperated and even after that,i was still looking out for her.