Hi,
Have you noticed that people seem to make the same mistakes over and over again? Have you ever wondered what on earth is wrong with you or that friend/family member?
In this Letter to Jack, Uncle Leke Alder addresses this issue that seems like recurring decimals. This time, he focuses on how it affects our relationships. His words are full of wisdom. You will learn something. Read on…
1. Dear Jack, you had a horrific experience with your last girlfriend. I'll advice you avoid dating the same type of woman again. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
2. Now, it's going to take a lot for you to wean yourself off your acquired taste for pain and difficulties. Takes effort. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
3. The mind can actually get attuned to acceptance of emotional cruelty. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
4. It's why you're considering dating someone like the woman you described. The problems are so obvious! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
5. You've been psychologically conditioned by your past relationship. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
6. It's what you're used to, what you're familiar with – what you know. It's what your system understands. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
7. It's also why you're finding this other nice woman very strange. You're not used to peace and kindness. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
8. You're not used to being treated nicely, not being taken for granted. You have cultural shock from kindness. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
9. Men are prone to repetitive relationship mistakes, especially in a rebound circumstance. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
10. Thus they end up dating the same kind of woman who gave them grief. It's the psychological conditioning. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
11. Sometimes the psychographic similarities between two women can prompt repetitive desire. Sometimes it's physical. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
12. Men tend to go for templates, they date templates. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
13. Because your last girlfriend is slim and light you are attracted to the same features in this woman you're considering. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
14. Her physical attributes are triggering a desire for what you're used to. You're lusting after pain, again. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
15. Rebuffing Repetitive Date Syndrome (RDS) is not easy I concede. (Just coined the term by the way. It's not scientific). #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
16. Indeed the more I think about life the more I realise we need to beg God to save us from our lusts. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
17. False programming blinds one from seeing dangerous realities. It makes wrong attributes attractive, even exciting. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
18. This woman you're considering seems unforgiving to me. Your mail said that much though not in so many words. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
19. She's beautiful but you can't offend her. That's a warning sign right there! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
20. The problem with young men is that they tend to ignore warning signs, even when there's amplification. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
21. Signals can be amplified through a simple quarrel. That little quarell can lead to an exhibition of terrible flaws. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
22. A guy who beats up a woman during an argument is exhibiting terrible flaws for instance. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
23. That's why they say you don't have a relationship until you quarrel. A quarrel throws up fault lines. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
24. You have a desirability/impossibility conundrum. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
25. You desire this lady strongly but she has painful flaws that make relationship practically impossible. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
26. It's frustrating. No matter how strongly you want the relationship it cant work! The flaws are overwhelming. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
27. And people sometimes go into hopeful relationships believing they can mend or ammend someone. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
28. The last time I checked only God has that capacity. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
29. If a woman won't let go of hurts… If she keeps a record of wrongs… If she can't forgive a slight… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
30. Her bitterness and unforgiveness will eventually multiply forward. They accumulate and harden her. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
31. Same for men. Some men are so unforgiving they become wicked. Sometimes the problem is from youth: #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
32. An abusive father, an irresponsible mother, a terrible uncle, a cruel guardian…hurts and pain… #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
33. If a woman won't let go of such heavy yoke the past will eventually destroy the beauty of her relationship. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
34. A wrecking ball from the past swings into the future. Unless we halt the momentum. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
35. Letting the past be is a decision. Some people are wise enough to take that powerful decision. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
36. If you seek to visit vengeance on people in your past, the past reciprocates your passion; becomes vengeful. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
37. You can't develop a constitution that makes your future happiness impossible. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
38. If you decide not to move on from the past, why, you can't move on from the past! #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
39. You'll become emotionally convoluted, difficult to predict. A good relationship thrives on predictability. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
40. The problem Jack, is that you're going to be the primary person in this woman's life. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
41. You will bear the brunt of the frustration, bitterness and anger. Convoluted bitterness is irrational. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
42. And you can't know what the trigger is, or where it is. Even she doesn't know. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
43. Jack, there are problems you can't solve in life. Going into a relationship to resolve someone is not a wise course of action.#Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
44. And I question your capacity to handle successive pain and anguish. No matter your strength it will exact a toll on you. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
45. You have finite emotional capacity. You may end up bitter yourself, damaged or jaded, no longer trusting. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
46. Relationships are not trifles. They shape us and change us. They deposit things in our lives. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
47. Men often think they're immune to trauma, that they're in total control of the dynamics of a relationship. Macho stuff. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
48. But the truth is, your girlfriend changes you. She conditions you whether you like it or not. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
49. If you find yourself reacting to her, that in itself is conditioning. You're being trained. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
50. Your past experience already tells you what's bad for you, what you can't handle. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
51. A wise man is honest about his limitations. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
52. Again I say don't ignore the warning signs. Ultra selfishness is a warning sign for example. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
53. Relationships thrive when parties are considerate of each other. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
54. But if someone is very selfish, thinking only of him or herself, how can the relationship endure without pain? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
55. If you feel you're being "used" in a "relationship" don't you think you should ask yourself difficult questions? #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
56. I know aloneness is getting to you. I pray however that your needs won't drive you to another wrong choice. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
57. Take another look at this other lady, the one you said is peaceful and simple and kind. Open your heart to her qualities. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
58. Relationships are not meant to be pain and suffering. They're supposed to be feasts of happiness and comfort. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
59. Love and happiness are important in life. Don't buy into the philosophy of pain and heartache. #Letr2Jack
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
60. I can only give you guidance. The decision as always is yours! Your mentor, LA. talk2me@lekealder.com ©Leke Alder
— Leke Alder (@LekeAlder) November 9, 2013
